First blog post

Finally, my first ever post after contemplating wether to start blogging again or not. I’ve deleted my old blog because I don’t feel like blogging anymore & I hate everything that I post back then. I guess I’m a very emotional girl back then. Haha..

But then, Im back because few of my friends is back to blogging & this time I want to share my stories without really  publicised my blog. I’m still thinking wether to make this blog public or private. But for the time being, let it be public first. 

Why I choose the name “slippersunderthebed”?

slippersunderthebed is probably the best title to describe my life right now. Haha.. It’s something  meaningful that only me as a mother understands. 

I have a mild autism son who never failed to keep his slipper under the bed every night before he went to bed. It is one of his autism trait that stands out from the rest. It’s his everyday routine that nobody can change or move the slipper or else, be prepared for a tantrum. 

I feel that mostly of my post will be about him & also my everyday life. A life view from an autism mum dealing with her autism + normal kids. 

Enjoy reading.. 

Advertisements

Now this..

My son suddenly had this sensory hotspots on his back. Now, I had to cut his cloth tag every time he asked me to cut the tag. He feels restless & only feels better after I cut them. Never mind, as long as he’s not cranky, thats enough. 

2nd Year

Today marks 2nd year of our journey with autism. I feel proud with what this 2 years has bring to my boy. He’s getting more manageable & all you can see is an active boy who loves to draw & building lego. 

I never thought he could change like this when we started with all the therapy but I guess as he grows up, his behaviour starting to change & thankfully schools has made him approachable too. He is now became too friendly saying Hi or Hello to anyone he sees. Haha.. Saying it once is okay, but keep repeating your Hi & Hello is annoying okay. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Exactly what I’m feeling right now πŸ‘†πŸΌπŸ‘†πŸΌ

I love him eventhough I might be rough with him sometimes. Pinch him, smack him or raise my voice to him. I can’t help it when I’m tired or can’t stand his antics when he gets too excited. 

I still don’t share publicly about my son to the public because I don’t want people to treat him differently. For now people will just look at him as a naughty boy or maybe his parents didn’t teach him manners. Haha.. But nevermind, as long as he is happy in his own world. 

Dear son, 

May you grow into a great person with a great personality. You are already special & mummy hope you will always be special in everyone’s heart. 

Bye bye OT..

Today is my son last day of OT class. Attending about 50++ classes for the past 1year 3months, his last day today is celebrated quite special, an individual class just for him & the therapist. For the past few months he had only group session with a new students every few months. 

Both my husband & me send him to class today & after the class had a little chat with the therapist before saying our final goodbye.

My son is still not aware that this is his last class. I told him few times that we are going to say bye bye to teacher Nelson after the class. You no longer attend his class after this which he replied OK. Haha.. So simple minded this boy. 

I asked the therapist how does he see my son by the end of this therapy. Does he looks like a normal kids now compared to his 1st time meeting him. 

He then answered me that my son definitely looks like a normal kids now. He act like normal kids & it’s normal when his autism trait is showing a little when he gets excited. His tantrum is easier to distract now & it became shorter. Which all of us agree. He told us that my son will become better as he grow up. Because when he are surrounded by many people, he will slowly know how to control his behaviour & will act accordingly. It’s normal for him to act like this now because he’s just a kid. Nobody wants to be controlled at this age & they just want to do what they want to do. I’m glad my husband is there to listen to all this so that he can understand his son better. 

The therapist advises us to always work on his table activities since my son is easily distracted. It’s okay for him to spend long time on the table drawing or building his lego because he needs to build his concentration. Which my son is doing very well now since he spent hours drawing or building his lego until he is satisfied with his outcome. Most kids now can’t sit still on the table for a long time he said & he is happy when my son can keep himself busy with any table activity he’s given. 

I’m so proud of my son to finally graduated from his OT class with lots of improvement. We didn’t notice his improvement until the therapist stated them one by one & then the “aha” moments came to me. The times when he did this & that, that I finally noticed. 

So, no more Monday class for my son & I have less one class to send him every week which I’m feeling glad because being a mommy driver is so tiring especially now, being pregnant & all. We leave the centre with my son keep telling my husband he wants to pee while I settled the fee & the short drama when he refuse to go to the toilet & keep wanting to pee outside on the drain. Haha.. 

Pregnancy brain..

Yesterday I forgot to send my son to his OT class.. 😭😭😭😭

When the centre called me about 3.15pm asking me wether my son attending class or not, looking at the caller id, I got panicked because I totally forgot about his class. Of course I had to cancel the class & burn the class fee for yesterday. πŸ’ΈπŸ’Έ

How on earth did I forget & why does nobody reminding me. My husband included. Everybody forgot. 😭

Enjoy while it last..

I don’t want to jinx it, but I just wanted to tell you guys that my kids sleep early nowadays. Both sleeps not later than 10pm. This has been going on for 2weeks already. 

I should be happy because I can sleep early & enjoy this before next baby pops out. Because new baby = sleepless night. Haha.. I should enjoy this while it last.

But….

I can’t sleep early. I felt restless. I had to scroll on anything on my phone until I fall asleep. I often sleeps after midnight & last night I slept at 1.30am. Then woke up early in the morning because, my kids is an early riser. They will wake up before 7am. 

Now, both are asleep. Too early. It’s only 9pm. They will definitely wake up super early tomorrow. 

Another confession, to be honest, I don’t feel pregnant. I told my husband I don’t feel it. The feeling of having a new life inside me. But my belly is showing already. I sometimes feel empty & only feel it during the 1st trimester with the vomiting & all. Now, at 2nd trimester, all the sickness is gone & I don’t feel pregnant anymore. 

Is this normal?

I don’t feel any attachment to baby #3

Is this because of the hormones?

Or maybe this baby understands how struggling is his/her mummy with his/her siblings he/she decided to be a good boy/girl. No more morning sickness & he/she will grow healthily inside mummy. 

I hope everything will go well. I’m praying for a smooth & safe pregnancy since this is my 6th pregnancy already (the doc pointed it out).

For now, lets just enjoy my ME time & can’t wait for my 2nd checkup with Dr. Felice. 

OKU..

This.. πŸ‘†πŸΌπŸ‘†πŸΌπŸ‘†πŸΌ

Regarding to the accident case caused by an OKU girl few days ago.

This makes me sad. Reading some of the comment thrown by the people who are still ingnorant or not aware about this OKU title. 

Why OKU? She looks normal..


See.. πŸ‘†πŸΌπŸ‘†πŸΌ

People are making fun of her OKU title. People are looking down with people who had this OKU title. Reading those malicious comments had made me to think twice about getting an OKU card for my son. 

Why??

Because once you had the title, I’m afraid he will be discriminated in the future. In everything they do. Maybe even to take a driving licence is hard for them. 

I once read a medical doctor had to give up his job after they found out that he is an OKU card holder. People suddenly can’t trust him with his job where he never makes any mistake in his job. But then, when you are an OKU, everything change. So he voluntarily resign from his job. 😒

Everyone in the Autism suport group in FB is feeling down with the nasty comments about this special needs OKU & this is why more awareness campaign should be done to educate people.

This people maybe never heard about Autism, ADHD or even Dyslexia. Maybe they don’t have a family member who had them. They had never live under one roof with this special needs people to see what is their difference behind their normal looks. 

I know the girl is wrong. What is wrong is definitely wrong eventhough she is an OKU holder. But I hope this negative people don’t let this one OKU girl case made them assume that every OKU is the same. 

I guess I won’t be making OKU card for my son. That’s my decision for now. He still can attend Special education school with support letter from his Paed. 

My Dream Vacation

School holiday is here, but as usual, school holiday means replacement class for my son..

I love travelling but since I get married, I only got to travel once to Melaka when I’m 5months pregnant with my daughter. During that moment, our son hasn’t been diagnosed yet but when I recall it back, I noticed so much autism traits showing while on the trip. Not forgetting the tantrum that makes me swear that this is going to be my last vacation with kids. See how impactful this trip was. It makes me don’t want to travel with kids anymore. They are only adding the stress for the trip. It’s hard to enjoy when you got a clingy & moody son the whole trip. I feel like giving up & counting days for us to go back home. 

So, back to my main title. I always had this in my mind everytime I look at my son. Since I saw the struggle he go through with his autism & with therapy & all, I keep promising to myself that I want to bring him to Legoland once he is ok. What I mean by ok is when: 

  • He no longer show his tantrum without reason. With reason I don’t care, I will understand why. 
  • He can calm down. This one is hard because he gets excited to easily. When he gets excited nothing can stop him. 
  • He can sit still for the rest of the flight
  • He no longer poop in diaper. I’m still trying hard to convince him that the toilet bowl is not yucky. He refuse to sit on the toilet bowl because he felt yucky. I don’t know whats the reason. He just keep saying “I don’t want. It’s yucky”. 
  • He completed all his therapy with the assurance that he is ok. 
  • He no longer fight with his sister. They are like cats & dogs. Always fighting when I’m not watching. 
  • He can appreciate the trip. 

 I got so many reason, but for now, this is the only reason I can think. I keep telling my husband I don’t want to go anywhere for the time being. I just want my son to be able to enjoy this dream vacation of mine in the future. 

I’d be lying when I saw people with their family went for their vacation & not feel jealous. I feel jealous because I wished I can do the same. I want my family to go for a vacation that we can really enjoy. I once feel that this will only be a dream, it seems impossible to come true. But I will pray hard that someday we will be able to bring him together with my family to enjoy this special vacation just to celebrate his Fight in Autism..

To stop or not to stop..

Last week my son Occupational Therapist told me that my son has been improving tremendously. We already reached our target for his development & we can now choose to continue or to stop therapy. 

I’ve have this mixed feelings because I still need these therapies for my son to behave but at the same time I remembered the Speech Therapist told us to not being too dependant on his therapy because sooner or later he had to get through his life without therapy. 

So far he is doing okay. Looking at him, his behaviour is getting normal everyday. I mean his autistic traits is no longer stands out in everything he do except those thing which has already been a routine for him such as putting his slipper under the bed, spent hours with his lego everytime we reach home after going out & eating habit. 

He no longer repeat what we said & can answer us directly without repeating the whole sentences. Well, maybe it’s just an ordinary thing that a normal kids do, but for a special boy like him, I feel blessed that he can improved this far. Of course we cannot do this without his therapy. 

Therapy 3 times a week plus his school really takes a toll on him. I guess the reason for his tantrum every night is because he is tired. It’s a long day for him if he got therapy on that day. I feel so guilty that he had to attend all his therapy just because we want to. I feel like I’m taking his sweet childhood moments when he had to attend classes like a tuition for him. 

I understand when he refuse to do any homework at home. I understand when he just want to spend his time drawing. I understand when he said he don’t want to go to school. It’s all because he can’t take it anymore. I’m glad he know how to express his feelings clearly to me. 

My husband suggest that we stop his OT & see how it goes because he said it’s time to try how will he behaved without therapy. So, less one therapy for him & we will need his doctor & speech therapist decide wether we can stop completely or not. 

My lonely boy..

Do you know what is the saddest thing my boy do where I pity him the most?

It’s his meal time. That is the time where he is alone, eating on his own, enjoying his delicious meal & not talking to anybody except when there’s something on the TV excites him. 

He prefer to eat in front of the tv. On his blue table, blue stool & he must have his hot curry maggi & cold orange. The only thing he would eat for the time being. Of course he sometimes will eat some biscuits or some chocolate but when he wants a full meal, he will ask for his maggi. Everybody knows that maggi is not a good choice for a meal, moreover when it is consumed for breakfast, lunch & dinner. My autism son lives on his favourite Maggi every single day. That’s why whenever we go out, we will bring him to KFC for him to eat something else than Maggi. He love his hot fries with tomato sauce, the chicken crispy skin & some cold milo. All his food preference is stated in one sentence. 

” I want hot curry maggi & cold orange please”

Or..

” I want fries with tomato sauce please”

Or..

” I want to eat some chicken & cold milo please”

My boy always ask for things politely, just like a robot. When he eats I always watch him & can’t stop thinking & pity him that my boy is always lonely. His meal time is always on odd time & we hardly can have a meal together with him. You can see how focused he is when he eats. Never let a single noodle fall down or else he will pick them up & eat them again. 

I know my story is like telling the whole world that my boy condition is bad but trust me he is doing very well & with the help of therapy, we hope he can be among the normal kids without looking too different than the rest. 

I just want to share what I see from my point of view, on how my mild autism boy functions with his everyday life. The story I want to share with some of you that might be wondering why he is different, what makes him different & how his difference makes him special in his own way. 


How can you not feel sad when you saw him enjoying his meal like this? With his feet up on the stool. This saddens me. I’m an emotional mum. He looks like a starving child. He always eats like this & I always remind him to put his feet down but then when he is busy eating, he will forgot what I said & started to pull his feet up again.. I may sound exaggerating but this is what I feel everytime I watch him eat. 

Habit..

My kids had these habits where they always had something in their hands. Something they bring every where even to shower. For now, both are carrying these two for days already. My son is with his lego which he named “Ivysaurs” a character from Pokemon while my daughter is a plastic cup. 

I read somewhere having these in their hands & close to them makes them calm & that’s why I just let them carry their precious “object” of the day anywhere, even to bed. They sleep with their toys. In a few days their favourite object will change again especially my daughter. She had a bag full of toys that she carry everywhere. 

As long as this object didn’t do any harm to them. I don’t see any reason to stop them from carrying their object/toys everywhere.